Proverbs for the Modern Dating World

‘A ship in the harbor is safe, but your ship is the reason I slid into your DMs.’

Sara K. Runnels
Human Parts
Published in
3 min readJul 23, 2019


Being single in 2019 is complicated, but thankfully, these classic words of wisdom have been adjusted to help navigate this new dating frontier. (Photo by Luis Quintero)

Two wrongs don’t make me swipe right.

Better late than ghosted.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and it’s the only profile picture he’ll ever use.

Don’t count your lovers before you’ve matched.

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will be something your parents ask about every time they call.

When the going gets tough, the tough delete Tinder for a while.

People who live in glass houses should ask me out because it sounds like you could support my lifestyle.

Absence makes the heart remember it has commitment issues.

Keep your friends close and your friends with benefits at emotionally safe distances.

It takes a village to realize you’ve dated everyone in the village.

Good things come to those who can uncover the entire life history of a dating app match with only a first name to work with.

If you play with fire, you’re going to get broken up with for safety reasons.

The best things in life are free because your date didn’t ask you to Venmo him for those seven glasses of wine.

Beauty is in the eye of the dating app algorithm.

He who laughs last did not understand my joke fast enough and it’s not going to work out.

Hope for the best but prepare for incompatible astrology signs.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t shame her for being thirsty.

Fortune favors the bold who send a text with the correct use of “you’re.”

A ship in the harbor is safe, but your ship is the reason I slid into your DMs.

All work and no play makes Jack another dull boy who still hasn’t texted me back.

If he ain’t broke, ask him out.

A profile picture is worth a thousand questions about what year it was taken.



Sara K. Runnels
Human Parts

Copywriter by day. Humor writer by night. Exhausted by afternoon. @omgskr /