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This Is Us
Reclaiming Friendship in the Age of Isolation
Quarantine has me longing for an intimacy I didn’t know I missed
Deep into state-mandated quarantine, two of my dearest friends come to my house to drink wine and eat take-out on my roof. Maybe it’s the shared experience of pent-up-ness, six months into being told friends are off limits; maybe it’s cosmic alignment. But we’re having similar existential crises around our bisexual identities, and community care feels like — well — communing.
Late into the night, we get to know each other deeply — our histories, our fears, our dreamscapes, where they overlap and intertwine, where they fork only to come back together — while decontextualized fireworks pop overhead. We connect not in the slow, meandering way that adults tend to form bonds over time, but rapid-fire. We deep dive into intimacy like the only way out of our feeling alone is through a togetherness forged by vulnerability.
There’s a neediness hanging in the air — for being seen, for laughing too loudly. And because we’re women — and more specifically, queer femmes — who used to be girls, we have a collective memory of caretaking in this way.
It feels, at least in the moment, like one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Later, the only way I can describe the feeling I’m left with is middle school sleepover.
When quarantine starts, I am relieved to be released from the pressure of upkeep. Thinking/ hoping/ not really believing that we can accomplish a two-week fix, I’m grateful for an opportunity to self-focus, for an excuse not to meet for dinner. While community is the sun in my emotional solar system, I’ve caught too much in my orbit. I appreciate the breathing room.
But as the Covid-19 crisis extends into one month, into two, into six, with no discernible, definite end in sight, I start to miss my friends — the nurturing and growth I can only receive from their warmth. And I notice that others, who are less loud than I am about the power of love that straddles platonic and romantic, feel desperate for their friends, too. There seems to be a collective awakening happening.
