Reconciling With Grief Doesn’t Look Like I Thought It Would

It’s been worse and better — but ultimately, my faith and loved ones have gotten me through.

Photo taken by Ashley Broadwater, author

Back in February, I lost two grandparents (one from each side) within five days of each other. Surely, someone is playing a horrible trick on me, I thought. This kind of thing just doesn’t happen to people.

But it does.

Perhaps even more wildly, I’d spent therapy sessions up until that point saying, “My worst fear, the worst-case scenario, is that all my grandparents will die in the same week.” (And I’d argue that usually, the worst-case scenario — or variations of it — don’t happen.)

Right before they passed, I was the happiest I’d ever been. I’d fought hard to maintain good relationships, to lean into my faith, to find hobbies, and to work on my mental health — and my hard work had come to fruition. Scared I would lose all of that, I felt determined to keep up with the coping skills I’d set into place.

As you may know, that’s easier said than done, however.

The past couple of nights, I’ve felt especially upset over this loss. I’ve been unable to listen to songs from my grandpa’s funeral without crying. I’ve felt a little bit of denial, still, at the idea that my…