Member-only story
This Is Us
Try Asking Those 36 ‘Modern Love’ Questions in Quarantine
They’re supposed to promote intimacy but, after weeks locked down together, closeness is the last thing we need
For the past several weeks, I’ve been sheltering in place at home with my husband, Evan, and our 10-year-old daughter, Bee. The other morning while we sat across from each other at the dining table that now serves as our shared office space, I was trying to tune out Evan’s thunderous typing and maddening coffee-slurping when a New York Times Modern Love essay from five years ago popped into my head.
It’s called “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This” by Mandy Len Catron. The core of the piece is a study by psychologist Arthur Aron that explores whether it’s possible to generate closeness between two strangers by having them ask each other 36 specific questions. In other words, it’s an experiment in accelerating intimacy.
When the essay was published, Evan and I had been together for 20 years. Had the questions generated suggestions for binge-worthy Netflix series, we might’ve tried it. But we were plenty close already.
In the midst of a global pandemic, however, we’re taking closeness to a whole new level. We may be low on paper goods and flour…
