Schoolyard Sex Ed Through the Eyes Of My Eight Year Old
So she knows about Only Fans. It’s fine, I’m fine.
Four years ago, I made a suggestive joke to my husband:
Me: Can you start grilling the burgers?
Him: Give me three secs
Me: I do, every Saturday!
Ba-dum-dum tsss!
From the couch, where our precocious eight year old sits, we hear giggles. What is he laughing about? we wonder. He couldn’t possibly have understood that joke, could he?
Me: Bud, what’s so funny?
Eight year old: DADDY SAID S-E-X!”
He explodes into a fit of giggles.
Ok, I know what you’re thinking. How does this little punk-ass drool factory know about the birds and the bees? Well, I’ll tell you. Turns out his Health teacher went off-script the year prior and taught his entire Grade 2 class about sexual intercourse instead of *checks notes* The Canadian Food Guide.
I’m a pretty chill Mom, my kid’s a good kid, so this was mostly fine. Truthfully, I only skirted the million-dollar baby-making questions for fear that my kid would tell other kids and I’d become colossally unpopular at PTA meetings.
Spoiler alert: I still became colossally unpopular at PTA meetings.
