Member-only story
Searching for Blue Skies Before and After September 11
Lessons in looking at the dark and light sides of human nature
April 1976
I am four years old. I am standing in the bedroom of Melinda’s ranch house. We are friends from preschool. Proudly, she holds a framed photograph so I can take a closer look. In the photo, she wears a beautiful lace and floral dress. The kind of dress that reminds me of pictures from my Disney’s Cinderella book. She tells me she was a flower girl in her aunt’s wedding. Flower girl. It sounds so beautiful to be a flower girl. She points to a delicate glass bell with etched flowers on her bookshelf — her aunt gave her this bell as a gift for being in her wedding. I’ve never seen anything so fancy, I think. I wish it was me who got to be the flower girl. I wish it was me who had the glass bell on my bookshelf.
Melinda goes to the bathroom, leaving me alone in her room. I am mesmerized by the photo, the dress. Then, I pick up the bell and hold it. Suddenly, I am filled with hot anger. I want to break that glass bell. I want to break it so much. I don’t want Melinda to have it. Why should she have it? I imagine throwing it down on the floor — hard.
I put it back on the shelf.
Melinda returns, unsuspecting. I’ve never felt this before. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone on purpose.
September 11, 2001
When the first plane hits the World Trade Center I am dressing for work. My husband calls from Wichita. He is a Midwest sales rep for outdoor sports gear and he drives everywhere with a truck full of samples. “You need to turn on the TV,” he says.
I have not heard or seen anything about a plane hitting the World Trade Center until that moment — I’d run that morning, noting a new crispness in the air, a hint of fall weather. The blue of the sky.
With the TV on and the footage of the plane embedded in the first tower, I am concerned and curious, but not jumping to conclusions. Is it a private jet? We listen to Katie Couric and Matt Lauer. Though a state apart, we watch together. I sit on our coffee table, so I can be closer to the TV.
