Prison

Sentencing Day

Finally, there’s light at the end of the tunnel

William Mersey
Human Parts
Published in
4 min readMar 26, 2024

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Barbed wire in a spiral/tunnel shape outside a prison’s walls
Photo by Hédi Benyounes on Unsplash

The following was written the very day that I was sentenced by a federal judge — over 5 years after the IRS came a-knockin’ on my door — for not paying my taxes.

Just a mere five years, three months, and four days after the initial “visit” from IRS agents, the moment is nigh. I am about to be sentenced for the crime of underreporting my income.

One of my two $600/hour lawyers leans over to whisper,

“Any final questions?” as the Honorable Judge, owner of three graduate degrees from Harvard University, enters to render his decision on my future. I look left and answer.

“Yeah! Will the noose be made of silk or burlap?” Michael shakes his head. Not the answer he expected.

I know this is a beautiful day for a hanging. Based on all the precedent and history of cases like mine, I’m supposed to get probation or at worst, home confinement. But I’ve heard too many ominous warnings about my judge — and listened to him say,

“I take a dim view of pimping,” as he directed his gaze my way.

Three Harvard degrees notwithstanding, His Honor clearly doesn’t know a pimp when he sees one. I never was — nor never will be — a pimp. I ran an adult…

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William Mersey
Human Parts

Daily Beast, NY Daily News, Daily Mail, Independent contributor. Old/jaded cynic. Can't code/don't want to know how. Hate artificial stupidity. Call don't text.