Sexuality Timeline

You’re 10. Angela is cute, but so is Keith. Slam books ask, “Who is your crush?” so with a controlled hand, you write “Angela.”

By Jake Rivera

Photo by Jordan Whitt

You’re 6. You settle at Baywatch reruns after flipping through cable channels. You sit through dialogue that barely makes sense to you. The goal is to wait. He finally appears — wet jet-black hair, in red Speedos. You stare intently. You zone out when he’s not on screen. He appears again and you stare some more. You do this until the show is over. When the credits start rolling, you look around if anyone has been watching you. It’s just you.

You’re 10. Angela is cute, but so is Keith. Slam books ask, “Who is your crush?” so with a controlled hand, you write “Angela.” At night, when sleep is hard to come by, you reach down to a newfound hobby. You close your eyes and picture Angela, in levels of undress that you are unfamiliar with. Halfway through, Keith replaces Angela. And Keith. You know Keith. How his body must be like yours. How his hands are exactly how yours feel like. How he does this hobby, too. Maybe. Probably. Suddenly you’re finished -breathing, brewing in shame.

You’re 13. You’re in a high school where boys fear the Lord, but never each other. They roughhouse during lunch, play basketball of…