An Apology to My Husband’s Ex-Wife, in 13 Parts
- I had an affair with your husband, to whom I am now married, and I am so, so sorry. If there is one decision in my life I could undo, it would be this. Because of what it did to you, because of what it’s done to me, and because it was just plain wrong.
- I won’t take full responsibility for the breakdown of your marriage. The myth of the homewrecker is just that — a myth. No one can wreck someone’s home against his will. You two wrecked your home on your own, before I ever came on the scene. And anyway, you had an affair too, so I know you understand.
- However, I still owe you several apologies beyond the apology for my original sin.
- I am sorry I believed the things he said about you.
- He told me that you were dumb. He said it without malice or animosity — just presented it as a fact; you weren’t that smart and therefore he was bored with you.
- Now I’m the stupid one; he tells me regularly. But I know I’m not stupid, and now I know that you aren’t, either. I’m sorry I didn’t challenge him when he said that you were.
- He told me that you were too lazy to work, too much of a prima donna. I admit this caused me to look down on you since I’m such a worker myself, since I’ve always been self-sufficient. But I find myself calling in sick more and more these days, asking my boss if I can work from home on others. Not because I want to spend time with him, but because I’m afraid to leave him in charge of our two children during the day (he works from home, and you know how he can snap when he’s angry, when someone irritates him or argues with him about nearly anything). Now, finally, it occurs to me that you may have wanted very much to work — especially since it could have been your ticket away from him — but you had three young children you probably (wisely) did not want to leave in his care. I’m sorry that you were in that situation. You must have felt so trapped.
- He told me that you were selfish, that you didn’t “get” him, that you didn’t care about what he needed from you. I now understand that there is no caring in the world that is great enough to accommodate his needs. They are endless, and they are very, very important…