Planet Soul

The Art of Conscious Sex

How to use sex as a spiritual practice

Photo: Vizerskaya/Getty Images

Recently, a friend of mine was telling me about an encounter he had with a woman he met on a business trip. They met at a conference and, apparently, there were some sparks. When he asked her what she was doing later that evening, she suggested he pick up some condoms and chardonnay. Thrilled that he could pick up both at a drugstore in California (we are not afforded that convenience here in Massachusetts and he is nothing if not efficient), he proceeded to his liaison that evening. He followed up by telling me that she later sent him a photo of her “hot” friend and that she wanted to get together for a threesome. “She was so much younger than me. Isn’t that awesome?” he gloated. “Gross,” I replied.

Later, I felt perplexed, “Why am I being so judgmental?” I wondered silently. I try not to judge others, and as long as the sex was consensual, why should I have an opinion at all? Then I considered my own sexual journey and how meaningful the practice has become to me. I wanted to explain to my friend that there was so much more to be gained from our sexual encounters than provocative texts and funny stories. It’s like going to the Museum of Fine Arts and raving about the muffin you purchased at the café.

Think back to a blissful day (or night) of lovemaking. Hopefully, you experienced physical pleasure and emotional connection. Those are generally the reasons we desire sex. However, you might have also experienced a sense of timelessness, unification of body, mind, and spirit, and at the time of orgasm, a loss of self. In fact, the French word for orgasm translates to “little death.” We can consider it the death of the ego because, in that moment, you are no longer focused on “I.” You weren’t worried about the bills that need to be paid, the dishes that need to be cleaned, or how you look naked. You got to experience pure consciousness. After, you may have basked in the afterglow as bliss and love permeated your entire being, feeling at one with yourself, your lover, and maybe even the universe.

Did that description remind you of anything else? To me, it makes me think about how it might feel to be spiritually awakened. Though sometimes these feelings may be brief, we can think of our sexual…