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The Crazy List
Reflections on my time in the psych ward
Lauren was crazier than me. Becky was a few slots below me, and Randy was probably a few above. Gerilyn was below me but moving up fast, and Jada was definitely above. Alexis didn’t seem crazy at all, but she was a vegan, so that moved her up a few slots.
I was 21 and in a psych ward for the first time in my life. After months of suicidal ideation, I had finally decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I called a friend and told her I needed to be somewhere that would keep me safe as a care team tried to navigate the ins and outs of my troubled mind. An hour later, I was in the ER.
I started making the list before I was even admitted to the ward. In a hospital, you are generally kept in some sort of safe room before you are actually admitted to the psych ward. Mine was a small room with a bed and a TV in a row of similar rooms, with a door that didn’t close all the way so a nurse could watch me and make sure I didn’t try to hurt myself. I was there for around 24 hours, and resolved early on to sleep through it to pass the time. During my nap, however, I was woken up by the sounds of someone yelling.
There were no windows or clocks in the room, so I don’t know how long into my stay this occurred. All I knew was that someone was screaming at the nurses, demanding they get out of…
