This Is UsThe Tale of the Trailing SpouseExploring the harmful trope of the non-academic partnerJett Allen·Mar 13
![Text: When I moved with my partner across the country because they had been offered a postdoc, we met someone shortly after we arrived who said something that bothered me. [A person at a small cafe table with a meal on it, waving his hand in the air. A speech bubble coming from his mouth says, “Oh, so you’re the trailing spouse!”]](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*dM0sa7_luAafBIvHXA5-Zg.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: When I moved with my partner across the country because they had been offered a postdoc, we met someone shortly after we arrived who said something that bothered me. [A person at a small cafe table with a meal on it, waving his hand in the air. A speech bubble coming from his mouth says, “Oh, so you’re the trailing spouse!”]](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*dM0sa7_luAafBIvHXA5-Zg.jpeg)
![Text: The trailing spouse—the person who moves with their academic partner for a university job—is a figure of feminine horror that you can find in movies and TV if you’re looking for it. [Drawing of a person smoking, labeled Shirley, next to a straight couple labeled Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?] Text: Also: What Lies Beneath, Terms of Endearment, Husbands and Wives (ick), Malice (with a twist.)](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*3K0QQW276E63JY4lcZCCYA.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: The trailing spouse—the person who moves with their academic partner for a university job—is a figure of feminine horror that you can find in movies and TV if you’re looking for it. [Drawing of a person smoking, labeled Shirley, next to a straight couple labeled Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?] Text: Also: What Lies Beneath, Terms of Endearment, Husbands and Wives (ick), Malice (with a twist.)](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*3K0QQW276E63JY4lcZCCYA.jpeg)
![Text: Compared to the movies, my partner doesn’t really fit the professor mold. [A middle-aged man in a suit and a queer person with tattoos separated by a vertical line.] The professor: cis white man, tenure track (in English or science), widely respected, has affairs with students to feel better about himself. My partner: nonbinary/trans white person, has only had adjunct or non-tenure jobs (studies porn and video games), often mistaken for a student, committed to supporting students.](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*sME19H3_FFHCJbJ8lKZ1qw.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: Compared to the movies, my partner doesn’t really fit the professor mold. [A middle-aged man in a suit and a queer person with tattoos separated by a vertical line.] The professor: cis white man, tenure track (in English or science), widely respected, has affairs with students to feel better about himself. My partner: nonbinary/trans white person, has only had adjunct or non-tenure jobs (studies porn and video games), often mistaken for a student, committed to supporting students.](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*sME19H3_FFHCJbJ8lKZ1qw.jpeg)
![Text: I don’t exactly fit the trailing spouse trope. The trailing spouse vs. me [Drawings of each person, separated by a vertical line] Trailing spouse: cis white woman, overburdened mother or bitter because she’s not a mother, financially dependent on professor, mentally ill. Me: nonbinary/trans white person, very concerned with getting a dog, works remotely, okay I’m technically mentally ill.](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*ecOa4VgrBkbh7HdpccG7ZQ.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: I don’t exactly fit the trailing spouse trope. The trailing spouse vs. me [Drawings of each person, separated by a vertical line] Trailing spouse: cis white woman, overburdened mother or bitter because she’s not a mother, financially dependent on professor, mentally ill. Me: nonbinary/trans white person, very concerned with getting a dog, works remotely, okay I’m technically mentally ill.](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*ecOa4VgrBkbh7HdpccG7ZQ.jpeg)
![Text: Another reason the spouse has to trail is that obviously the person with the PhD needs to be the most important and brilliant partner. Anything to the contrary would disrupt the illusion of the academy as an intellectual authority. Once I’m known as the partner, some academics have treated me like I’m invisible or a literal child who couldn’t possibly understand them. [2 people saying “That book” and “Brilliant!”—and another thinking, “Oh god they haven’t read past the intro, have they.”]](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*D2WvYH8T2nwSmiUvTkS62Q.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: Another reason the spouse has to trail is that obviously the person with the PhD needs to be the most important and brilliant partner. Anything to the contrary would disrupt the illusion of the academy as an intellectual authority. Once I’m known as the partner, some academics have treated me like I’m invisible or a literal child who couldn’t possibly understand them. [2 people saying “That book” and “Brilliant!”—and another thinking, “Oh god they haven’t read past the intro, have they.”]](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*D2WvYH8T2nwSmiUvTkS62Q.jpeg)
![Text: The truth is I’ve met non-academics who work in so many different industries. Some are tech workers, some are former academics, some are bartenders, & some are teachers. Many are supporting the academic partner financially, & not the other way around. Trailing spouses of the world unite! [Closeup of a dark-skinned and a light-skinned hand shaking in front of a Harvard-like academic building.]](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*mdwdvGd_MENfYQRGg_kNeg.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: The truth is I’ve met non-academics who work in so many different industries. Some are tech workers, some are former academics, some are bartenders, & some are teachers. Many are supporting the academic partner financially, & not the other way around. Trailing spouses of the world unite! [Closeup of a dark-skinned and a light-skinned hand shaking in front of a Harvard-like academic building.]](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*mdwdvGd_MENfYQRGg_kNeg.jpeg)
![Text: The stereotype of the trailing spouse—academics getting to be tortured baby geniuses who are also breadwinners with spouses who just follow along—is from a time that doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever did. [A baby with a graduation cap in front of a blackboard that says, “I’m a very important person!”]](https://miro.medium.com/max/60/1*ROMShQZO8tTOsu8yikfyNw.jpeg?q=20)
![Text: The stereotype of the trailing spouse—academics getting to be tortured baby geniuses who are also breadwinners with spouses who just follow along—is from a time that doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever did. [A baby with a graduation cap in front of a blackboard that says, “I’m a very important person!”]](https://miro.medium.com/max/4800/1*ROMShQZO8tTOsu8yikfyNw.jpeg)
