To All the Asian Men I Never Loved — I’m Sorry

A brutally honest look at my racist biases towards my own race

May Pang
Human Parts
Published in
6 min readMay 14, 2023

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My friend “Handsome Ryan” — a real-life example of an attractive Asian male. Photo used with permission.

“I’m just not into Asian guys,” I would say flippantly as I dated my way through the rainbow of white, brown, black, and olive-skinned men.

“I’m not sure why,” I would say.

I may not have known why I didn’t like Asian men, but I did know that my preferences go way back. I recently found a journal entry I wrote as an 8-year-old declaring that I wanted to marry a blue-eyed blond man.

It took me 20 years to finally realize that it wasn’t an “innate” preference. I had been bathed in an infinite number of media sources and cultural innuendos suggesting to me that Asian men were meek, effeminate, and less endowed from the moment I was born.

Asian masculinity? Those two words were simply not used together in my childhood.

Why did it take so long for me to “see?”

Growing up, I could think of zero Hollywood male romantic leads that were Asian. Prior to the blockbuster hit Crazy Rich Asians, Asian actors in Hollywood had one role — to be a token.

Like the stereotypical bridesmaids, Asians were never allowed to be better-looking, richer, or more successful. Smarter, yes…

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May Pang
Human Parts

Combining Storytelling with Science. Communication & Connection Coach. Would love to hear from you!💗may@mojomint.com 💙 www.mojomint.com. Based in Boulder, CO.