Humans 101

Ways I’ve Derailed Healthy Conflict

And how I’m trying to make space for ‘real talk’ to happen

Did ya’ll know that a lot of white people don’t have the cultural concept of “real talk”? You know where you stop saying the diplomatic thing and tell people what’s really going on. They just don’t have it. You try to have a moment of “real talk” and they freak the fuck out.

Yesterday, I happened upon a thought-provoking Twitter thread from web developer Marco Rogers, about the ways in which white people are conditioned to avoid difficult conversations. Marco said, “Did ya’ll know that a lot of white people don’t have the cultural concept of ‘real talk’? You know where you stop saying the diplomatic thing and tell people what’s really going on. They just don’t have it. You try to have a moment of ‘real talk’ and they freak the fuck out.”

In the conversation that followed Marco’s tweet, many people of color shared how they have attempted to initiate candid, productive discussions with white loved ones or colleagues, only to be viewed as aggressive or inappropriate for doing so.

Many white people also chimed in to share their experiences of giving and receiving “real talk.” Poorer white people shared that their home culture embraced candor, for example, whereas wealthier white families blanched at it. Autistic people of all races shared how their directness and honesty has been punished. Some white folks also shared how they personally have acted to discourage or shut down real talk.