Welcome to Millennial Airlines
For the traveler who loves kombucha, free Wi-Fi, and viral onboard selfies
Thanks for choosing to fly with Millennial Airlines. We know you can add to your debilitating debt with plenty of other carriers, so we’re very thrilled you’ve decided to prioritize your FOMO with us. Our airline was founded on the ancient principle that the struggle is, in fact, real—which is why we offer a new kind of travel experience that values the Instagrammable journey just as much as the Instagrammable destination. Our mission is to encourage travelers to “Collect Experiences, Not Things”—a phrase you can buy on a crop top in our onboard pop-up brand-swag shops.
Like most legacy carriers, passengers—or Travel Baes, as we like to call them—can select from one of three different cabin options that best fits their needs and overall aesthetic. Unlike traditional airlines, these next-level options were created solely for the demographic-specific wanderluster whose most prized carry-on is a cracked iPhone and unflappable self-worth.
All our flight attendants on the SkySquad are vetted to ensure they’re extremely woke, #obsessed with travel, and savage enough to deliver a solid clapback if a Travel Bae gets a little salty. Each member of the SkySquad is willing to assist with your cocktail Boomerang, pose for pictures in their signature uniform rompers, and lead you in a brief guided meditation for an additional $395.
Our aircraft are brand-new Airbus A321s with exteriors that come in four colors—rose gold, millennial pink, avocado green, and Himalayan Salt Lamp orange. There is mood lighting throughout the cabin, so your in-flight Instastories can be accurately captioned with BIG MOOD or THIS PLACE IS LIT, and your face automatically appears smoothed and filtered. Legroom is great, but we are proud to have the most headroom of any airline, accommodating a wide range of fluctuating egos. Wi-Fi is free, but you are restricted to sending memes, selfies, sexts, and potentially viral tweets.
Calling all sky-sexuals! This cabin is designed for our thirstiest travelers eager to get lit or get it in—or the most on-brand choice: both. Not only can you drink all the craft beer, rosé, and kombucha your heart desires, but Thirst Class guests are invited to put the “up” in “hookup” with consensual Travel Baes, including the captain and co-captain, both of whom are single and DTF (but only one at a time, for safety reasons). Anyone who cockpit-blocks will be banned from Millennial Airlines for life.
This premium option is for the bougie bunch who want to keep it lowkey AF and speak to absolutely no one throughout the entire flight. All middle seats have been replaced with mirrors and your brunch-and-beverage order will be taken by an in-flight SkySquad robot. There are windows in this cabin, but no shade. Only tea will be served, but you absolutely cannot spill it. Charcoal sheet masks will be provided for extra privacy.
Built for “elder millennials” or “xennials” or those who still can’t fathom how people buy homes, this cabin accommodates the most resourceful of travelers who still want to feel like they’re getting (and doing) the most. It’s BYO everything—kale chips, three-ounce liquor bottles, podcast devices, as well as your own floatation device. To counteract this economically challenging feature, the cabin walls are plastered with brightly colored inspirational sayings and totally original puns to share on your social channels. This will facilitate an unprecedented number of likes and “yasssss” replies.
While smoking is not allowed on any Millennial Airlines flights, the captain will reluctantly turn off the “no vaping” sign once we reach zero-f*cks altitude.
We obvi go everywhere! But none of our flights are nonstop, so you have to deplane for a hot second in a random city before reaching your destination. However, to make that part of the journey more fun, we’ve rebranded those stops as slayovers.
Every Travel Bae is allowed only one carry-on—you should have Marie Kondo-d your life by now—plus unlimited emotional baggage. Overhead bins are strictly for cute houseplants that couldn’t be left home because you “literally can’t kill one more thing.”
Emotional Support Animals
Only unreasonably cute pets with more than one million followers and an agent are allowed onboard.
Frequent Flyer Program
If you actually choose to fly with us again, you’ll automatically become an #inFLYencer, which requires several sponsored posts a year. We’ll pay you in generous miles—redeemable for swag, but not flights.
Tickets can be purchased via Venmo, and Millennial Airlines cannot issue a ticket if you don’t send the money with a funny caption (i.e., “U up?️ ✈️” or “For Fyre Festival tix 😂🔥”).
If you get a CANCELED notification, that means we’ve canceled you, not the flight. Don’t @ us.