What My Grandmother Left Behind

How grief changed everything — and why I’m grateful for it.

With my grandmother at her house on the hill (owned by the author)

The day before Grandma died, I bought a black blazer. I chose it thinking ahead to my fourth and final year of chemical engineering, picturing everything I had lined up: a paid internship as an automation engineer, my thesis — in the lab of my favorite professor, where I had already been working for a year, a shot at the performance scholarship, a leadership position in the chemistry students’ organization. I was on the right track, and great things waited ahead— I just had to grit my teeth and work harder. The black blazer was perfect for office work, conferences, and student events.

Buying the black blazer (owned by the author)

It never even crossed my mind that it would be just as fitting for funerals and mourning.

October 5, 2012

Mom called early this morning, it wasn’t even 7 a.m. I didn’t answer, I was too sleepy. But when my sister called right after, I knew I had to pick up.

Grandma died during the night.

Another asthma attack, one of the many she’d had over the past 20 years. But no one expected this one to be the last.

And so, the day I’ve dreaded since childhood has arrived — the day my grandmother…