Lived Through This

A Brutally Honest Review of My 10-Day Silent Vipassana Meditation Retreat

My slow spiral into insanity and inner peace

Ivy Kwong
Human Parts
Published in
24 min readSep 25, 2017

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This gong at rang at 4:00am in the morning. Every. Freaking. Morning. For 11 days straight. All photos courtesy of author unless specified.

NoNo talking. No phones or technology. No yoga pants. No working out. No music. No reading. No writing. No killing (even spiders!). No stealing. No masturbating. No sex. No lying. No drugs or alcohol. No moving during “sittings of strong determination.”

The morning gong rings at 4 a.m. sharp to rouse everyone for the opening 4:30–6:30 a.m. meditation session. The first two of 10 1/2 total hours of meditation scheduled every single day. For 10 days straight.

I am officially in Meditation Prison.

How did I end up here?

In a questionable moment of sanity, I decided to book a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat for my birthday. I had no idea what I was in for. Without bothering to do much research beforehand, I figured it’d be nice to disconnect and take a break from technology and social media, relax, and do some yoga and meditation. On a good week, I average about 20 minutes of meditation every few days, so this seemed like a solid way to try and practice it more regularly.

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Ivy Kwong
Ivy Kwong

Written by Ivy Kwong

Asian American therapist specializing in healing codependency, trauma (ancestral, sexual, racial), AAPI thriving, & decolonizing mental health. www.bareivy.com/