Member-only story
Humans 101
What Your Therapist Means When They Ask You to ‘Sit With Your Feelings’
It’s not about wallowing or self-care — it’s about paying attention
“Sit with your feelings” is the lukewarm, nebulous buzz phrase we’ve all been hearing a lot lately. We hear it from our therapists, we hear it from mental health columnists, we hear it from yoga influencers showing off their smoothie bowls. Last week, I’m pretty sure I heard the Amazon delivery guy say it. The expression is decidedly mainstream, yet it remains a pretty vague instruction. Given the deluge of feelings we’re all currently drowning in, it seemed like the right time to offer some clarification on what this seemingly simple bit of advice actually means.
Let’s start with what it’s not:
Some interpret “sit with your feelings” to mean “wallow in how shitty you feel.” That’s a hard no. While sitting with your feelings can look similar to wallowing, if we’re truly sitting with them we’re doing so with the intention of allowing them to move through us and leave us at a new beginning.
When we wallow, we’re not interested in a new beginning — we’re not curious about what’s on the other side of that feeling. When we wallow, we’re simply invested in holding our position, which we tend to do by…
