What’s Really in the Way of Healing Your Traumas
Unlearn these harmful mindsets that keep you stuck
Picture this: For years, you’re working on yourself, doing all sorts of therapy, healing ceremonies, meditations, and other obscure practices, only to find yourself triggered by an unforeseen event and back in a rut.
You thought you figured out all your relationship issues and believed you were ready for The One, only to repeat the same patterns and end up frustrated and more self-critical than ever.
Then, on top of everything, your mind gives you unsolicited advice: I should know better by now.
When you believe that voice in your head, it’s easy to feel defeated and lose sight of the progress you’ve made in your healing journey. It’s frustrating, but you’re not alone.
Over the last seven years as an embodiment coach, I’ve worked with hundreds of clients. There are three main reasons that people stay stuck in their traumas — and how to become unstuck.
1. Let go of false expectations. There is no end goal.
Most people go through life working toward whatever they feel they need to have finally “made it” and “have it all together.” I’m sorry to tell you this, but you will never end up in a place where “it” is done. Every time you reach the end, you will uncover another layer of the onion. And peeling onions, as we know, will make us cry.
The first step of healing trauma is really about false expectations. We’re setting ourselves up for failure if we expect to never be triggered or fuck up ever again. The antidote for this is simply acceptance; accept that you will always be sensitive, or needy, or a little bit controlling, or immature, or whatever it is.
Welcome to the human experience! Practice acceptance and then watch what happens.
2. Stop playing the shame game.
If there is one thing that keeps trauma in your life, it’s shame. Shame is the voice that says “there is something wrong with me” or “I’m not good enough.”