HUMOR

What’s The Worst Reason Someone Used For Dumping You?

For me, it had to do with the smell of my arm.

Daniel Williams
Published in
8 min readOct 8, 2022

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Cartoon drawing of a young boy falling out of a tree, head-first
by author

I’m in the air. I’m upside down. I’m falling from my grandparents’ maple tree.

A moment before, I’d been hanging from a branch by the backsides of my festive knees. Then, for some reason, I let go, falling as nature intended: straight down, headfirst.

Just before contact, my right arm got in the way, hit the ground first, then my head slammed the arm like a ballpeen hammer, snapping its bone just above the wrist.

I vaguely remember my upside down flight, but I clearly remember my stumbling run back to grammy and grampa’s house. My vision looked like the Star Trek shaky-cam, which indicates the ship is getting pummeled by yet another space bastard. My run was wiggly and serpentine as I held my crooked arm out in front of me and followed its wiggly, serpentine lead.

Inside the house, I either lay or laid on the couch in the room the house’s previous owner had died in, making it my favorite room until that moment.

There, I received all the attention of the family trying to figure out how badly I was wrecked. They couldn’t tell, because my sweatshirt sleeve concealed the damage, but they had a feeling it was bad…

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Daniel Williams
Human Parts

A poverty-stricken, soft Batman by night. Illustrator and writing teacher by day. Previously: McSweeney’s, Slackjaw.