HUMOR
What’s The Worst Reason Someone Used For Dumping You?
For me, it had to do with the smell of my arm.
I’m in the air. I’m upside down. I’m falling from my grandparents’ maple tree.
A moment before, I’d been hanging from a branch by the backsides of my festive knees. Then, for some reason, I let go, falling as nature intended: straight down, headfirst.
Just before contact, my right arm got in the way, hit the ground first, then my head slammed the arm like a ballpeen hammer, snapping its bone just above the wrist.
I vaguely remember my upside down flight, but I clearly remember my stumbling run back to grammy and grampa’s house. My vision looked like the Star Trek shaky-cam, which indicates the ship is getting pummeled by yet another space bastard. My run was wiggly and serpentine as I held my crooked arm out in front of me and followed its wiggly, serpentine lead.
Inside the house, I either lay or laid on the couch in the room the house’s previous owner had died in, making it my favorite room until that moment.
There, I received all the attention of the family trying to figure out how badly I was wrecked. They couldn’t tell, because my sweatshirt sleeve concealed the damage, but they had a feeling it was bad…
