When You’re a Bridesmaid Who Wonders if She’ll Ever Be the Bride

Where does my life go from here?

Caitlin Jill
Human Parts

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Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

“Caitlin, you have to look over our vows after we each write them. I need you to make sure they match.”

I smiled at my best friend who was smiling at her fiancé. Her fiancé, how weird to say. They’d been engaged for a while and together forever, but still. One of my best friends had a fiancé. Time is funny that way. I agreed to look over the vows, the professional writer of the bridal party. We laughed and joked in her parents’ kitchen about vows and weddings and all that was to come. It was Tuesday night, and the wedding was on Friday. Time was about the stand still and fly by at the same time. That seemed to be how weddings worked.

Suddenly, her dad motioned for me to follow him, and we slipped quietly out of the kitchen and up the stairs into my best friend’s childhood room. Her dad pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. “This is my speech for the reception. Can you read it over for me?” It hit me that I was sitting in a room where we used to have sleepovers and talk about boys, and now I was in that same room reading the speech her father wrote for her wedding. I almost teared up. When did we get here? How did we get here?

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Caitlin Jill
Human Parts

Queer, polyam, neurodivergent Los Angeles based writer with a lot of stories to tell. I enjoy being myself and talking about sex.