Where The Sun Never Sheds A Light

We smoke every Thursday at Liv’s.

Ever since my parents got divorced, all I ever wanted to do with my life is pretend I don’t have one. So I go to Liv’s.

“It’s me.” I say instead of knocking on the door. I hear footsteps heading towards the door before Bonnie opens it. “Oh, hey Lee.” I notice her eyes going in different directions, unable to look me straight in the eye. Must have taken a few already, I thought. I just make my way inside and sit beside Liv in the corner of the room. Her place isn’t that big, just enough for the five of us to spend the rest of the day at.

“What’s up?” Liv tells me. She hands me a couple of pills, and proceeds to roll a joint for me.

“What’s this?” I ask her.

“Pink one’s for forgetting, white one’s for hyping up,” she says. She laughs after a while, revealing her crooked and yellowish teeth. I just pop the pills and force myself to swallow. I close my eyes and rest my head on the wall and let it sink in my body. My chest, my head, my feet, I let it get into me.

The moment I open my eyes, I am a different person.

Liv’s place feels a lot more like home than where I actually live. The person I became six months ago belongs here, in unit 106. It’s not much, but it’s still something.

I see Bonnie enter the bathroom, and I follow her and sit at the bathtub, across from her. We both stare at the drain for a few minutes before she starts to talk. “I’m so sick of home, Lee,” she says as she passes the joint to me.

“Aren’t we all?” I say sarcastically. I rest my feet on her knees and I lay half of my body in the bathtub before fully enjoying the joint, watching the smoke go up the ceiling. “I think it’s because we’ve experienced the worst, or at least we think we did. That’s why we’re settling for this.”

“I’m not this kind of person,” Bonnie says. I can feel her knees shaking, and her loud and sharp breaths. I’m not sure if I’m the same way too. Maybe, I don’t know. “You know that, Lee. We’re not supposed to be like this, right?” Bonnie continues, as she tries to stifle a laugh.

Somewhere in a parallel world, I’m gonna be starting law school. Just like how I planned. But here at Liv’s, I’m just stoned.

“I’m gonna roll another one,” Bonnie says, and leaves me alone in the bathroom.

I just stay there, stretching my legs on the other end of the tub. I watch the thick smoke exit my mouth and go up and around the ceiling and different parts of the room.

I hear three loud knocks on the door outside. And just before my brain can process it, it’s like my body has been waiting for this every day. I stand up abruptly and start getting my shit together. I hear them muttering all tones of shit and fuck outside. And for some reason, I just keep ignoring the even louder knocks of Liv on the bathroom door. “Lee, open the door!”

I stick my joint in the drain, trying to figure out what to do next.

“Lee, open the fucking door!”

I remember Liv’s place. Having no windows. It’s what I liked the most about it. It has a peaceful dark to it.

“Open the door, motherfucker!”

Except for the bathroom. It’s the only place that has a window. The only escape we could get, just in case this happens.

I hear muffled shouts outside. I should be jumping out the window by now, but I just keep listening. I try to make words out of all the screaming.

“Let her go!”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut up!”

“Let her go, fucker!”

Just the same words in different formations.

Then three gunshots.

Silence.

I remember Liv’s place. What I liked the most about it is that I never had to climb any stairs. I’d just pass a few doors before reaching hers.

So there was never any need for jumping. I just fit myself into the window and escaped. No one would know I was there.

I run as fast as I can, until I can no longer feel my legs. For the first time in months, I am alive. Alive and lost.

What have I become?

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