Who Am I If There’s Nothing Wrong With Me?

My belief that I’m fundamentally flawed is so deeply held, I’m not sure who I’d be without it

Photo: Oscar Wong/Getty Images

Here is a non-exhaustive list of things that I believe are wrong with me:

• I am lazy and I procrastinate.
• I genuinely love food, more than one should, and I eat too much.
• I have failed to achieve the appropriate professional success for someone of my age and intelligence.
• I am weird in social situations and I don’t know how or when to talk to people.
• I am not particularly kind or warm, even with my closest friends and family.
• I get annoyed easily and have little patience for people’s failures and shortcomings, even ones I share.
• I have a perpetually stupid, slack-jawed look on my face unless I’m actively trying not to.

I could go on and I will: Despite many attempts and downloaded apps, I have not been able to develop a consistent meditation practice. My mind wanders, I think too much, and I have perfected the art of watching two screens at once without really paying attention to either. Although I’d like to file meditation under “great for others, but just not for me,’’ the scientifically-backed benefits of…