Why Emotional Parentification Can Be So Hard to Outgrow
When you believe your job is to manage your family’s emotions, you don’t recognize and honor your own
Growing up, I had two jobs. Officially, I was responsible for being a good student, keeping my room neat, and helping my mother with the housework. Unofficially, I served as the family peacekeeper. If I could keep my mother happy, I believed, my father and little sister might learn from my example and do a better job at it themselves.
My vigilance came at a price. By age six or seven, I was better at managing my family’s emotions than handling my own. When I had a problem, I tried to hide it, even from myself.
This self-reliance garnered compliments from adults, who told my mother I was mature for my age. But I wasn’t. I had stomach aches and sore throats. I struggled with anxiety and incessant worry. I was shy, had trouble making friends, and couldn’t relax in social situations. So I stayed close to home, where I could do what I did best: monitor the family temperature and take appropriate action when things got too hot.
I recently learned that these were all signs of ‘emotional parentification’.
According to Psychology Today, emotional parentification is a role reversal in which…
