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Why I Gave Up on the False Promise of Online Dating Algorithms
Swipe all you want, but if you really want a relationship, you can’t avoid vulnerability
After leaving my partner of six years in Scotland, I didn’t date for two years. I was grieving my relationship, even though ending it was for the best. I was also consumed by my first job as a professor, and writing my first contracted novels.
But after a move to Pittsburgh for a new job, I decided I was ready to date again. Everyone told me I had only one option: online dating. Otherwise I’d never meet anyone!
In the pre-swiping era of 2010 there were two credible options: Match.com and Chemistry.com. After perusing both sites, the PhD in me couldn’t resist the second. It had me take a quiz, then assigned me a type so Chemistry.com could find me compatible matches.
Quite frankly, online dating sounded like a relief, given that regular dating necessitated all the things I knew I wasn’t good at, like making myself vulnerable and letting strangers into my cozy little existence. I loved the idea of a science to clean up what was otherwise messy, intimidating, and time-consuming. If matched with perfect options, surely one would resolve into a perfect partner?
