Why People Leave the Church and Never Come Back
It’s time we examine how we treat those questioning their faith
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I was recently asked to speak at my Stake conference regarding my experiences leaving the church for several years, and my recent choice to return. I decided to use this opportunity to teach a lesson sorely needed in LDS communities about how we treat those who choose to leave. The below is an adaptation of that speech.
I’d like to share with you my experience leaving the church for several years, and my recent decision to return.
Your instinct might be to get excited. You might hope that I’m about to share the secret sauce that will bring loved ones back into the fold. I’d like to tell you right up front that this is not my intention.
My goal is not to show you how to explain away someone’s doubts, or to rekindle their testimony. Rather, I want to share what I and others felt upon leaving the church — regardless of our reasons for leaving.
I invite you to maintain an open heart while reading, as there are parts that may stir up feelings of defensiveness or frustration. If this happens to you, I invite you to look inward and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this?”
Why people leave
People leave the church for many reasons. Some have been deeply hurt or offended by other members of the church. Some feel deceived and betrayed by the church because of inaccuracies in church history. Some have been deeply wounded by the actions of leaders or official church policies that affect people they love. Others doubt because of the imperfect actions of our founding prophet, Joseph Smith. And many just plain don’t feel like they fit in.
Regardless of why people leave, it’s what they often experience upon leaving that makes them never want to come back.
If you’ve never left the church before, it’s hard to comprehend the experience. You must understand that it’s almost impossible to just “leave” the church. For most of us, the church is embedded in who we are. It’s part of our character, and our identity. Mormonism is enmeshed in our values, our morals, our family relationships, and our friendships.
