You Don’t Have to Forgive an Abusive Parent on Their Deathbed
Telling me to forgive my father means erasing the years of abuse I suffered at his hands
My father was a bad person.
There are plenty of ways to sugarcoat it, or use lots of needless words to make it sound a little less harsh. But that would mean burying the truth under a bunch of excuses and cover stories — and people like me, who have survived the things I have, already spent way too much of our lives doing that.
He may be deceased, but he gets the legacy he created.
I see no need to be gentle to someone who was always so cruel to me.
My father’s character (or lack thereof) isn’t a new revelation to me — or to anyone who knew him. It’s just an accepted fact, something I’ve always known.
Recently, while watching a movie based on a bestselling memoir by a supremely talented writer and compelling storyteller, I noticed something that just didn’t ring true to me as the adult child of a parent like my father.
The deathbed epiphany/apology scene has become a staple in these kinds of stories. In them, the parent suddenly has a bout of conscience and wants to make amends for the things they have done. The adult child, in turn, realizes…
