Humans 101

Your Relationship Is a Spiritual Assignment

You will keep getting the same lessons until you learn them

Lisa Marie Rankin
Human Parts
Published in
8 min readDec 1, 2020

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Double exposure orange-filtered photo of a couple kissing against bright sky.
Photo: urbazon/Getty Images

I have long wondered what the difference is between a soulmate and a childhood wound. Why are we so drawn to some people even though we know from experience that the relationship will end badly? How can some people trigger us to go from calm and conscious to a burning cauldron of rage or knot of anxiety in mere seconds?

While there are likely many psychological reasons for this, the explanation that resonates the most with me is that our relationships, or lack thereof, are spiritual assignments. They are strategically and lovingly placed before us by our higher power or the divine to guide us on our path to self-actualization.

“What!?” you might be asking. “So-and-so isn’t a spiritual assignment — he’s a shitshow!” To which I’d respond: “Yes, and…”

Ask yourself: “If my outer experience is a reflection of my inner experience, what is the relationship telling me about myself?” Or, “If this person is triggering me, what does that reveal about my wounds?” You might find answers like abandonment, being unloved, or not being heard.

When we get curious about our patterns, triggers, and reactions, we see that our relationships show us the places we still need to heal. If we didn’t have those triggers, how would we know where to tend?

Positive: Smart. Funny. Sometimes playful.

Negative: Incompetent. Unreliable. Victimized. Needy. Erratic. Moody. Helpless. Critical. Unsupportive.

In a recent workshop, I was asked to write down my father’s positive and negative traits (I was asked to do this for my mother too, but I’m going to focus on my father here). Those are the words that I listed. Not the most flattering list, I know. My teacher then told me that these words described how I perceived the Divine Masculine (God) and really all men. Ouch! Could this be true? I wondered to myself. I’ve always considered myself an aficionado of men.

I reflected back on my previous relationships. I quickly observed that the men I was often attracted to possessed most of the qualities I listed. Not all men, of course, just the ones I…

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Lisa Marie Rankin
Human Parts

Heal your body and enliven your spirit through Divine Feminine practices and principles to thrive in all realms of life. lisamarierankin.com/waitlist-enlivened