Humans 101
A Psychologist Explains How Masks Transform Our Social Relationships
If it feels weirdly shameful to make eye contact in a mask, you’re not alone
The first time I wore a mask out in public felt strange. And I’m not just referring to the odd physical sensations — the constriction, the foggy glasses. Rather, a surprising emotion surfaced as I passed a man on the street.
I knew him by sight from the neighborhood, someone I might casually say “hey” to or just give a nod. We do that in my suburban neighborhood; we say “hi,” and we nod. I like that about us. But as he approached, I found myself averting my eyes and lowering my head. We passed each other without saying a word, and as I continued down the road, I realized how uneasy I felt. It was more than the heightened vigilance, more than the subtle measuring of distance or the tightening of my muscles — something else seemed wrong to me. It took me a while to realize what I was feeling: It was shame.
Many of my patients in psychotherapy struggle with feelings of shame, a sense that there is something bad within them or about them. I have my own share of this as well; many of us do. When we are exposed to strong feelings of disapproval from those we depend on, particularly when we are young and vulnerable…
