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Humans 101
Feelings Are Never Wrong, but the Stories Behind Them Often Are
We all trick ourselves this way
As a somatic healer, I spend hours each week listening to people open up the darkest boxes inside their psyches. A major part of my work is sifting apart stories and feelings. People often say things to the effect of “I feel like I’m a fraud/piece of shit/asshole/whatever” or “I feel like my partner doesn’t support me.” These aren’t emotions, these are stories — and many of them happen to be limiting beliefs.
Though our feelings are never wrong, the stories the cause them often are. When you’re feeling your feelings, the next word in the sentence after “I feel” is an emotional word such as sad, angry, frustrated, disappointed, happy, proud, etc. If it’s not, you’re not feeling your feelings, you’re mistaking your stories for feelings. “My partner doesn’t support me” isn’t an emotion. It evokes emotion, but it is not an emotion.
For example, the statement “I feel sad” is a clear statement. “Sad” is an emotion. “I feel sad because I’m afraid” is even better — now, you’re identifying the complex layering of multiple emotions. “I feel sad because I’m afraid my partner isn’t supporting me.” Now we’re really cooking with gas! There you have both the story and the layers of emotions around it.
