Humans 101

How to Ask for the Things You Need

Let’s talk about the ‘Never-Asker’

Sophie Lucido Johnson
Human Parts
Published in
8 min readJul 16, 2020

--

The “Never-Asker” is a category of person who struggles to ask a friend to watch the dog when they go out of town. For the Never-Asker, it’s hard to ask for a ride home from the airport or to ask for the take-out category they really, really want.

Within the Never-Asker category, there are subcategories and layers.

One subcategory is: “I don’t want to really want anything. I’m going to be cool and chill, and I’ll be able to hang no matter what you pick.” This looks like every couple ever going, “What do you want for dinner?” “Whatever you want” “No, whatever you want” and so on and so forth until infinity.

It can also look like this, where Norman (the orange cat) is the Never-Asker:

Orange cat and gray cat having a convo.

Another subcategory is: “Can’t you please just guess what I need?” This looks like:

Another subcategory is: “I know if I ask you to do something for me, you’re only going to be doing it because I asked you, and then eventually you’ll want me to do something for you in return.”

Another version of this same subcategory is, “You’re only going to be doing it because I asked you to, and I have so much anxiety thinking about you just trying to do something to please me. What if I am not sufficiently pleased?”

I could point fingers, but I recognize myself in every one of these subcategories.

And, also, allow me to point fingers: The people I am closest with in life are some of the kindest and most considerate people on the planet. They, in turn, “don’t want to put me out,” “only want me to do what I truly want to do,” are “totally fine with whatever,” and are “scared of letting me down or hurting my feelings.” These are the relationship mechanics of people who default to having others’ interests in mind—and that’s a straight-up treasure.

--

--

Sophie Lucido Johnson
Human Parts

A person who writes and draws and eats her feelings.