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Humans 101
Instead of Freaking Out, Pick Up a Broom
A psychotherapist explains how to turn an existential threat into a spiritual opportunity
A recent patient of mine, himself a medical specialist, came into a session (before lockdown) in pieces. He was beside himself, broken down, distraught, and sobbing. He was immersed in worst-case catastrophizing and fully suffering the consequences. (I’ve done this myself, and it must be one of the worst feelings there is.) To myself, I called this Armageddon anxiety. I listened for about 35 minutes. As a doctor, he knew well the pathology of the virus and the numerous ways it wreaks havoc on our biology at multiple levels. In psychotherapy, we aim to hold someone in their distress without invalidating their feelings while avoiding hollow words of reassurance. I waited for a pause and said, “You are dwelling in a cataclysmic future and suffering the worst consequences of what could happen. I cannot tell you your vision of the future is wrong. I can say that doing this will not help how you feel and will not help prevent that future from befalling you.”
After a brief pause, I continued, “Now is the time for focusing on the immediate tasks at hand. You have a lot of people to look after. You have children to care for, parents, your partner, friends, patients, and, of course, yourself. Now is a time for looking after yourself. That means physically, and it also means mentally, so you can look after others. The more you do this, the more you will cope with whatever comes.”
In that moment, I saw him come together. He was cohering and reintegrating as a whole person. He seemed calmer, more composed, settled.
I have no illusions of having cured his anxiety completely. What we are facing with Covid-19 is truly that serious. Yet, I have seen people energized by the life-and-death quality of living, by the urgency of getting ourselves together, by the need to prepare as much as possible, and by the challenge of bunkering down into confinement, sometimes alone, and waiting quietly — and hoping — for the threat to pass.
Over the course of this pandemic, many people will suffer the excruciating trauma of loss, of bereavement, and of the dramatic and unavoidable financial…
