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Humans 101
What Your Anger Is Trying to Tell You
There’s a thin line between rage and fear — especially in times of uncertainty
Everyone has their own way of loading the dishwasher. Some delicately arrange; others cram. Some lay large utensils perpendicular to the tray; others go parallel. Regardless, we can all agree that this is just not a big deal. So earlier this week, when I reached over my wife’s shoulder and adjusted a cup, then a bowl, I knew I was basically picking a fight.
But her response concerned me more than any quick rebuke would have. Instead of telling me to fuck off and do something useful, she said, “I’m sorry.” And worse, I realized she’d been apologizing a lot over the last few weeks of sheltering in place. For the dishes. For noise while I’m working. Even for the dogs, as if they’re her responsibility alone.
Why was I so concerned about this pattern? Because as someone with anger management issues, I’ve learned over time that when a loved one begins to apologize more frequently than is necessary, the problem is usually not them — it’s me and my anger.
I don’t think I’m alone in noticing the eerie way being cooped up has the potential to get ugly — even when the people we’re surrounded by are those we love. Unchecked, minor irritations…
