I Gave Up Beauty to Be Me
To the world, I was conventionally attractive. Then I transitioned.
This piece contains discussion of eating disorders, weight, body image, and gender dysphoria.
It was the first day of spring semester, and my friend Soyeon and I were catching up over lunch, trading stories of what we’d been up to over winter break. As the conversation hit a lull, Soyeon looked a bit gloomy.
“I gained weight over the break,” she confessed, following up by sharing the exact number of pounds.
I cringed. As someone who was just beginning to confront my own eating disorder, I couldn’t handle this kind of talk about weight, about gains and losses and needing a new wardrobe and hating oneself. Also, I had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going next.
After insulting her body a bit more, Soyeon’s face brightened, and she turned her focus toward mine. “I wish I had a body like yours. It’s perfect.”
I cringed some more. “Ohh, thank you…”
“In Korea it’s called an S-shaped body,” she said, miming a curvy silhouette with her hands.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “People have told me I’m an hourglass…”
