This Is Us

Is My Bisexuality Valid?

Even though I’m straight-passing, I’ve finally decided I’m allowed to take up space

Ellie Guzman
Human Parts
Published in
4 min readJul 18, 2020

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A woman’s foot with sandals and a rainbow flag tied to the knuckle making a step forward on a rainbow sidewalk.
Photo: Carles Navarro Parcerisas/Getty Images

I’ve always kept my mouth shut during Pride Month. So when this past June came around, I spent 30 days in a limbo (at least more of a limbo than usual), going back and forth, swirling around, deciding to just post nothing again and not acknowledge the truth lodged in my throat.

My sexuality is both nobody’s business, and yet something I want to embrace as loudly as I can. I feel like I’m wearing stilts; I’m shiny and impressive, but I’m also teetering, always thisclose to tipping over and falling over myself. My whole “thing” is writing and posting whatever I want, often without filter, and yet this topic has ping-ponged in my brain for years on end. When I try to speak and open my mouth, only a croak comes out.

The main component of my hesitation is that I am, overall, straight-passing. I have been involved in a relationship with a man for over a decade. I’ve never officially called a woman my “girlfriend.” So I feel kind of weird and like I’m taking up space that isn’t mine if I go to Pride, if I fly the flag, if I label my sexuality. And so I avoid those things. But I’ve read the articles and done the work. If I were one of my friends, I’d tell them their sexuality is theirs alone and that it is valid. I want to give myself the same love I give to those closest to me. So I guess I’m finally ready to say (and type) it out loud.

I’m bisexual. Hold for glitter bomb.

I’ve struggled against elaborating because it feels like I’m trying to prove something, but I’m more so trying to explain how I always knew.

People often dismiss bisexuality as a phase or some kind of attention-grab, but that’s 1) not the case and 2) gross. Sometimes people also think it means being attracted to only cis men and only cis women. That’s true for some, but I identify with bisexuality in a different sense. I see it as being attracted to both my own definition of my gender (female), and everything else beyond that (male, nonbinary, etc.). My bisexuality is gender-inclusive, trans-inclusive, you name it. This is…

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Ellie Guzman
Human Parts

TV writer trying to have it all. Former healthcare worker turned comedy goblin. My book “Rags to Rags“ is available here: https://amzn.to/369O9ac