Health
In Human Parts. More on Medium.
THIS IS US
On our first overseas trip as a family, our bodies fell apart
When we began dating, Tyler and I did a lot of traveling. We started out small: Our first trip was from Boston to the tip of Cape Cod. Soon we ventured further, to California, to Mexico, to Peru. We broke up once in Key West. But I was too broke to change my ticket, and we got back together before our flight home. We got married in Maine but never took a honeymoon — I was pregnant and vomiting six times a day by then. …
I love it but I wish I didn’t
Cigarettes are my best friend. We live together, work together, look up at the stars, walk along the beach, sit through sunsets, stay up late watching movies, and escape the world when we are alone. When I am sad, cigarettes pick me up. When I am happy, they never harsh my buzz. When things go wrong, they are where I turn first, and they’ve never abandoned me in a time of need. When I need to think, they help me formulate my thoughts. On hard days, no one bothers us if we need to take some time together away from…
Lived Through This
Sometimes our bodies are best left alone
For several years in my twenties, the main thing I did was itch. And scratch.
The “itch cycle,” they call it. Irritants cross the skin barrier, causing the sensitization of immune cells. When you scratch, your nails damage the surface barrier of the skin, allowing more allergens to enter. And thus more itching. And scratching. And itching again. This is why it’s a cycle.
As an affliction, itching seems so trivial. A minor irritation to the skin. It isn’t a broken leg or cancer. Those are ailments you can deploy surgeons and research toward. No one calls 911 over an…
This Is Us
A psalm of sleep apnea, shit in the shower, and life
“And besides,” he said, “your chin is on backward.”
The burly man with the accent-from-somewhere turned, almost looking dismissively at me — which, I guess, I’m used to — and smile-frowned. At least, I think he did; he was wearing a mask. And a spit shield. We used to put them on the faces of patients at the psych hospital — now people are just… walking around with them like it’s a pair of Oakleys. Of course, as a poor, nonprofit psychiatric hospital, we frequently ran out of spit shields (spitting is always tres en vogue at those kinds of…
This Is Us
In a year loaded with loss, I scored one massive win: I finally said goodbye to cigarettes
As if Connecticut wasn’t awful enough, it will forever be home to my first cigarette. A Kamel — with a K! — Red Light on the evening of July 4, 2001. I was 18, fresh out of transfer orientation at the University of North Carolina and rolling on ecstasy with the woman I would leave my girlfriend for. We burned through a pack per over the course of eight hours.
In hindsight, that paragraph turned out to be the most loaded series of bad decisions I’d ever make in my life: I wouldn’t build another relationship that measured up to…
Lived Through This
‘Medically unexplained’ symptoms are as misunderstood as they are common. Here’s what I wish people knew.
At 24 years old, my stomach hurt. A lot. It wasn’t “gastrointestinal discomfort” (though multiple doctors tried to argue about my diet), nor did it indicate that I was menstruating (I was anorexic and hadn’t done so in years).
This was a “my abdomen is being sliced down the middle by a jagged instrument while a third, more decisive tool churns my insides apart” pain. It was wrenching, twisting, mechanical. The pain started in my sternum and spread down, sideways, outward, and inward. Standing was bad; sitting made it worse. It took my breath away. …
This Is Us
My radical vision for the future does not include the violence that occurs within a hospital’s walls — or the hospital at all
On a night in my early teens, I went to the Pediatric Emergency Department at Montefiore’s Children’s Hospital for intense cramps. I was expecting my period in a few days but had never felt that way before — like a heat lamp was burning into the meat of my pelvis.
My mother and I spent the better part of nine hours in a tiny room with speckled vinyl floors and too-bright fluorescent lights. At one point, I was sent to another room nearby that was a little larger and had no extra chairs. My mother was told to stand outside…
This Is Us
I watched my husband go through different stages. Here’s what to expect.
They told us my husband’s cancer was terminal: He had months to live. Maybe as long as a year. From that moment in the doctor’s office, we waited for death.
One day, Brock napped for an extra hour. Was this the end?
He woke up with a cough. Was this it?
With both of us in our late thirties, we had never witnessed death up close. On television, we watched Steve Jobs and Jack Layton (a Canadian politician) become skeletal as their cancers progressed.
“Will that happen to me?” Brock asked. We didn’t know. I patted his healthy tummy, assuring…
Lived Through This
The lasting effects of being betrayed by your mind
I was so excited for New York City.
I had been a few times before, and so the standard tourist attractions were not my concern. This time, as a newly blossoming chef, my focus was more singular. In spite of my floundering bank account, I had eight restaurants with a combined 14 Michelin stars in my sights.
It was going to be epic.
The night before my departure, I dreamed of vintage champagne, briny caviar, seared foie gras, braised pork belly, sweet buttery lobster, and silky Bordelaise. Mmmm…
So much for dreams. …
This Is Us
I couldn’t think my way out of this disease, though I certainly tried
When I was six years old my grandmother took my cousin and me to Disneyland. I had been there before, but this time was different. This was a big kid trip. My cousin, seven years older than me, was not interested in “It’s a Small World” or “Dumbo” or “Peter Pan.” She had her own plan for the park: roller coasters.
Not long after making our way down Main Street, we said goodbye to my grandma, who preferred waiting to riding, and headed straight for Space Mountain. I had never been on a roller coaster before and I was terrified…
Human Parts
A publication from Medium about humanity: yours, mine, and ours.
