My fate would be decided quickly — My wife and I recently visited a technical high school with our son, and in the Construction and Building Trades area, we ran into masculinity trouble. The moment we stepped into the vast and noisy workshop, we were met by the workshop’s ruler: a big man sporting a big plaid…

Follow these rules, and no matter how bad the fall, you’re a winner — My wife drops me off at work in the morning, and most of the time it’s nice. We kiss. We sigh. We offer our traditional farewells: “Let’s quit our jobs and run away to other jobs and quit those and run away forever!” But it wasn’t nice last Monday morning. …

Replacing talking with typing has made us anxious — We believe we are people of letters. Like our 18th century ancestors, we fire off missives and conduct epistolary relationships. We text, we tweet, we Facebook, we email, we Slack, we DM, we Bumble message, we Discord, we — well, one of us — Truth Socials. We are wasting our…

Even if it isn’t an epic hike — When I was in my twenties and extremely bored, I came across a book by humorist Bill Bryson called A Walk in the Woods. As I remember it, the author and a very sad and angry friend, neither of whom were equipped for long-distance hiking, decided to thru-hike the Appalachian…

But only if you want to live without regret — My son said, “I’m ready for a dog.” “Okay,” I said. “You ready to feed it?” “Yes.” “Walk it every day?” “Yes.” “Pick up its poo?” “Yes.” “Maybe you didn’t hear me. If we get a dog, you’ll have to pick up tons of poo. By that I mean crap…

An ode to everyone who failed to teach me how to whistle, but gave me other gifts instead — I. I began learning how not to whistle when I was starring in the first grade class play, Snow White Thinks Twice. …

Being trapped in a box for 10 days can mess with your head a little — Visiting America during the pandemic made me feel like I was about to have sex with everyone; family and friends kept asking if I’d been tested and demanding I wear protection if we were to meet. I’ve lived in Korea for most of the pandemic — a place where all…

Damn you, remote learning — You grew up in snowy lands, hating school as nature intended. Therefore, you know the magic of your parents’ words at your door in the morning darkness: “Snow Day!”