Member-only story
This Is Us
Why a Gay Divorce Isn’t Like a Straight Divorce
U.S. laws weren’t designed for relationships like mine
It was a vibey Friday night at the Eagle LA, our local gay bar, and as my friend Brian and I began drinking and chatting, I realized I was actually having fun. It had been a while. It felt good to be out of the house and out of my head.
A good-looking guy came over and started chatting with us. He seemed to be really into Brian, and as they started talking away, I stared off into the distance. Then the guy turned to me, “So Karl, are you single?”
I stared at him like a deer in headlights. I realized I had no idea what I was. As the ever more uncomfortable silence stretched out, Brian had to intervene, “He’s getting divorced.”
At first the guy nodded in commiseration, but it was a reflex. Then his brow twisted up. “Wait… from a woman?” he asked.
“No, I was married to a man,” I replied.
He put his hand on my shoulder. It seemed like he’d lost his balance. Then he looked me dead in the eye as he said, “Jesus Christ! Are we getting divorced now?”
I said the same thing to him that I’d said to my husband when it was over: “I’m sorry. I tried.”
