This Is Us

A Therapist’s Advice on Cultivating Love During Times of Grief

The type of love I feel for my clients is something we can all practice

Katy Friedman Miller
Human Parts
Published in
6 min readOct 28, 2020

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3 long-haired people sitting in a cafe looking at a phone. The middle one is being comforted by the others.
Photo: urbazon/E+/Getty Images

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. —Mahatma Gandhi

I am a therapist. More specifically, I am a grief therapist. This is not to say that I only work with clients who’ve lost loved ones — though that is often the case.

Not one person on this Earth will leave life without having lost something or someone — a job, a marriage, a friendship, an identity, a beloved pet, an era of good luck, health, a great love, and even the opportunity to repair a pained relationship. Though it’s said that Death is the Great Equalizer, I want to quibble with that. To me, it’s not Death that is the Great Equalizer, it’s Loss.

We all suffer loss. So, in grieving, we are healthy; we are doing what we must do as humans — just as we breathe or as our hearts beat.

Time and again, I’ve been asked by friends, acquaintances, and even clients: How do you do what you do?

I interpret this to mean, how do you not get depressed by death and loss and grief? Overwhelmed? How do you not…

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Katy Friedman Miller
Human Parts

I’m a grief therapist and former hospice social worker. Sharing stories from life, death, and work and where they all intersect. TEDx talk at www.ted.com