This Is Us
I’ll Always Stand Out As Mixed Race in Japan
I’m the only hafu in the onsen, and I get to decide what that means
Hadaka no tsukiai is a Japanese saying that roughly translates to “naked friendship.” It describes the bonding that occurs whilst bathing with another in an onsen, or Japanese hot spring. In this communal setting where members of the same sex are all vulnerably naked, the public selves that we project in our daily lives are meant to melt away. In hot water and sheets of steam, we can finally talk freely. Or so the saying goes.
Since I started living in Japan, the onsen has become one of the spaces in which I feel most free. In class, I reconcile daily with my identity as someone of Japanese and English descent. In my student dorm, the year has been glittered with parties and gatherings that tested my social anxiety until the pandemic put a stop to them. At the bank and other institutions, they are taken aback by the passport that I hold and the language that comes out of my mouth.
These things have all gotten easier over time. Yet sometimes these microaggressions creep up on me, holding me down and forcing me to interrogate my identity. No matter how Japanese I feel inside, I will always be different here. I remain anonymous in international Tokyo, but I start to…
